the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
