:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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