I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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