What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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