maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
