Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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