ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
