And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Panties = found
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize