No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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