like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
