Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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