so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He did a backflip because drugs
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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