This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
