If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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