I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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