I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize