I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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