so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
