Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
now i know why i became what i already was.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize