I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
