Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
