I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
try to milk me bitch
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