HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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