he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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