Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
