No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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