so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
