This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
