we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
