But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
