Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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