my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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