It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
