I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
