youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
