If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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