If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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