3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
