Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Even my vagina gasped.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
