if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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