he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
