Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
