I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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