In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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