well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
