I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
