So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It was confusing and full of hummus
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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