Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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