literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
