Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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