Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
