look no pants
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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