I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We named our party play list daddy issues
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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