So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
