i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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