Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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