It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
