when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I won the penis lottery.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i will never coherently bang her
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
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