marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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