I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
