Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
