If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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