dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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