i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
