help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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