You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
