I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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