Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
