I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
