make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
