when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
