It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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