Will you blow on my dice?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
