You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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