you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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